So many of us think that motivating ourselves includes beating ourselves up. Do you have an internal voice that is quite harsh? Does it sound like a drill sergeant? Maybe a mean friend or even a parent?

You’re not alone.

We’ve all internalized some authoritative voice that thinks it’s helping us out, but it often does us no good. In my years of practice, I’ve heard it referred to as the Gremlin, the Saboteur, the Inner Critic, and the Thinking Trap. Let’s call it the Inner Critic, and it’s always living inside of you.

What can we do about it? Are we doomed to beating ourselves up for eternity?

Fortunately, you can now decide how much real estate you’re willing to give it.

First, let me share an example of how these parts show up. They are often popping in more frequently when we are doing something new, wanting to make significant changes in our weight/in our lives, or reaching for our dreams.

What do they sound like? Mine sound something like, “Who do you think you are?!”, “That’s never going to work!”, “It’s too late… You should’ve done that a long time ago!”. “You’re never going to reach your ideal weight”. “You’ve tried to lose weight and it always comes back on.” Or they can have a more fearful tone and say things like, “It’s okay, don’t put yourself out there, you’re fine just how it is,” “Don’t rock the boat,” or “It’s always been like this, or you’ve always been like this, you can’t really change.”.

Who do they sound like? One of mine, that I can recognize, sounds a lot like my stepmother(monster). Another one sounds very wise and authoritative. Another one can be quite a brat. [side note: these parts are not scary voices in your head meaning that you are “crazy”! These are parts that our brilliant minds bring in usually to try to protect us.]

So, what are they trying to do? Most often, they are trying to protect us. Let’s look at my Inner Critic example: By discouraging me from taking risks, how is that part protecting me? Well, if I don’t take risks, I can’t fail, I won’t feel disappointed if it doesn’t work out, etc. And if I don’t put myself out there and express myself, I can’t be rejected or criticized.

The Inner Critic can also be trying to get you attention. Maybe this one says, “You look pale, you must be getting sick again, go to bed, etc”. Thinking that maybe someone will take care of you, give you needed attention, etc. This Inner Critic is trying to make you a priority. But, it is also a Saboteur, because it is holding you in a pattern where you’re probably getting attention, but not able to fully thrive.

Sometimes, the Inner Critic thinks its job is to punish you. This one may sound more like, “You’re a loser!”, “You don’t deserve to have love” “You can’t outdo your parents/partner/etc.”

There could be some guilt from your childhood that has never healed. This part thinks it’s helping by keeping you small, in “your place,” or out of harm’s way (better to punish yourself internally than to hurt yourself externally.)


Ok, so now that we can see what they sound like, why they are there, and a bit of how they may have come into our lives, let’s look at what we can do about them.

First, shine a light on them. These parts of us are used to being behind the curtain, like the great and powerful Oz. Once you pull the curtain back, they’re shocked and awed. Awareness is key.

How do you do that? Pay attention the next time you hear yourself say something negative to yourself (check out the blog article I wrote about the Ladder of Looping Thoughts that talks about how to flip those thoughts). For now, we want to shine the light on the Inner Critic.

• Does it sound like anyone you know?
• Is it telling you something you’ve thought about for a long time? How long? How old were you when you first started thinking like this?

Next, have a dialogue with it. This is powerful because we can finally see that this Inner Critic isn’t who we really are. We weren’t born with it. So having this conversation gives us the power to decide what we want to accept and what we want to discard.

Ask your Inner Critic:

• What are you trying to do for me? (Usually protect, prioritize or punish)
• Why do you think I need this/deserve this?

Practice this step right now. Think of something you want to change or improve and pause for a minute. What are your internal objections/resistances?

Good! Now, get a clear image of what this part looks like, what their name is, and any other detail about them. Use your imagination. Remember, the more we shine the light on this part, the more empowered we are and the less power they have.

Finally, after you understand what the Inner Critic is trying to do for you. Maybe it’s to keep you small, hold you back, protect you from rejection, protect you from abuse, get you attention, etc. Ask yourself if it’s really true. Is it working? Is it still serving you?

I’d love to hear about your Inner Critic(s). I’m happy to help walk you through the steps to identifying and disempowering them in a one-on-one call. There’s a link to my calendar on the home page, and we can talk about it.

You’ve got this! Shine the light!!

Let me know if you have any questions or comments below!